Let's start at the very beginning...

We started trying for you in about June/July of 2008. Flynn was 8 months old and we wanted to give him a brother or sister close to his age. We had no trouble conceiving him. We fell pregnant with him two months after losing our first baby at 8 weeks. Because we had no trouble conceiving before we thought it would be just as easy with you. After 5 months of trying I was getting frustrated. I know some people try for years with no luck. I can only imagine how each month of nothing can destroy your confidence and relationship and your self worth. Your poor old dad had to put up with my grumpiness and mood swings. I was so determined and focused on having a baby I'm sure I was a horror to live with.

I wanted more than anything to have another baby. There were so many tears and tantrums. What made it harder was that some Mums from Mother's group were pregnant and some of them weren't happy about it. They would say things like, " We thought we'd start trying but I honestly didn't think it would happen so quickly, I'm not sure if I'm ready for another one." Didn't they know how lucky they were? I thought it was so unfair.

McDreamy, my ob/gyn put me on Clomid to regulate my periods. I told Chris and she said she went on them for Emma and Sarah and it only took one month each time. "Excellent!" I thought, I'd be knocked up in no time.

4 cycles later and still no luck. Boy was I in a bad way.

I remember taking Flynn to Queen's Park on a Friday afternoon. Every second mum seemed to have a baby in her belly and every other woman had a toddler and a newborn. I was feeling so sorry for myself. To rub salt into my wounds I got a text message from Paula telling me she was 8 weeks pregnant.

That tipped me over the edge. That night I lay on our bed and cried and cried and cried. Your daddy and I talked about how the stress of trying for a baby waas doing us no good at all, but I didn't want to give up. I made the decision that after my period, which I was positive was on the way, that I would go back to McDreamy and ask him to do some tests to see why it wasn't happening.

That Saturday night I was awake for ages. I went down stairs and surfed the net for ages looking for a career change ( a back up plan if you like). It was in the wee small hours that I began to calculate the days in my cycle. I'd been keeping meticulous records of each cycle, tracking my most fertile days etc. This one didn't follow the same pattern as the others. I decided to go and get a test first thing in the morning. We'd been trying for so long and I'd bought so many tests each month but I'd stopped buying them because they always came up negative.

On Sunday morning Flynn and I went to Coles to get milk, the paper, a pregnancy test and some mouse traps ( because in the middle of the night I spied a filthy little bugger run under the fridge) I didn't tell your daddy I had bought a test - he didn't need any more disappointment. Although I did tell me about the mouse because that was his job to track it down and kill it.

I went upstairs to have a shower but I did the test first. When I got out of the shower I saw the most magnificent faint blue line next to the control window.

Matilda, you have no idea how happy I was to see that line. I was finally pregnant. The baby we've wanted for so long was finally here! I was SOOO EXCITED! I popped my dressing gown on, put the test in my pocket and went downstairs to show your father. He was sitting on the end of the couch with Flynn. I went right over to him and without saying anything, pulled the test out and showed it to him. Now, Tilly, your father is not the most demonstrative man when it comes to expressing his emotions and didn't really react. At least he didn't answer the phone as soon as he found out like he did with Flynn! Deep down though, I knew he was excited. Excited and relieved. I was relieved too. All that trying really does your head in.

The freaky thing was Tilly, the day I did your first test was exactly 2 years to the days since I did the test to find out I was having Flynn. 23/3/07 and 23/3/09. I thought that was kind of a good omen. It meant your due date was 30 Nov. Flynn's was 26 Nov but came 6 days early. You would be exactly 2 years apart. PERFECT!